Sunday’s Sermon – 3/10/24

“Wandering Heart: I’m Fixed Upon It” — Matthew 16:21-23 (CEV)

21 From then on, Jesus began telling his disciples what would happen to him. He said, “I must go to Jerusalem. There the nation’s leaders, the chief priests, and the teachers of the Law of Moses will make me suffer terribly. I will be killed, but three days later I will rise to life.” 22 Peter took Jesus aside and told him to stop talking like that. He said, “God would never let this happen to you, Lord!” 23 Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Satan, get away from me! You’re in my way because you think like everyone else and not like God.”

In Autumn of 2013 I was smack dab in the middle of a mountaintop moment.  My dad had just survived a heart attack and, thanks to the generosity of friends, I’d been able to travel from my parents’ home straight to Minneapolis for a Bethany Fellows retreat that I’d thought I would have to miss when Dad’s heart attack upended my original travel plans.  

At that retreat, in the middle of a caring community of young-ish pastors, I was overcome with gratitude.  Dad was alive and had a good prognosis.  The retreat center was a place filled with peace and natural beauty.  My weary, anxious spirit was being tended.  I was surrounded by friends and mentors who were my safe space, so I could truly rest.  It was well with my soul.  

Then, around 3 am on the last night of our retreat, everything shattered with a phone call.  Dad had stopped breathing in his sleep.  Mom had woken up and given him CPR until the paramedics arrived, so he was alive, but only just. He’d gone without oxygen long enough to sustain an anoxic brain injury and the neurologist didn’t think he’d make it.  He was in an induced coma, basically on ice, and it would be several days before they warmed him back up to see if his brain could recover.  All we could do was gather and wait and figure out how to pray.  

With that phone call, any sense of peace and gratitude I’d had was ripped out from under me.  I was reeling, terrified, angry.  The things I’d known only hours before no longer felt true – and wouldn’t for a long while.  

It was much the same for Peter, I think.  Coming off his own mountaintop experience, when he’d gotten it right and correctly named Jesus the Messiah, he was riding high and walking tall.  Jesus had named him the Rock, the one upon whom the Church would be built, and said he would receive the keys to the kingdom.  I imagine in that moment, Pete was feeling pretty blissful.  

But then, a breath later, Jesus tells the disciples that they are headed to Jerusalem, and that in the holy city he will suffer and die.  And just like that, everything Peter thought he understood was yanked out from beneath him. So in that moment he does what we all tend to do: he cries out in protest saying, “Surely God wouldn’t let this happen to YOU!”  

Jesus responds to Peter with some of the toughest words I’ve ever heard from scripture: “Satan, get away from me! You’re in my way because you think like everyone else and not like God.”  In other translations of the Bible you’ve heard these words as: “Get thee behind me, Satan!”  

Whew. That’s pretty harsh, right?

To understand Jesus’ response to Peter, you’ve got to remember a couple of things.  First, remember the quality of their friendship.  Our closest friends can tell us things no one else can – they have the power and usually the permission to tell us when we’re not being our true selves, to call us out when we’re being destructive, to point out the ways that we’re self-sabotaging and making our own lives miserable.  If a stranger or acquaintance told us these things, we’d be hopping mad.  But the people we love and trust most can tell us the same hard thing and while it might still cause anger, it also pierces our armor, cutting through pride down to our core so that we can really hear it.  Jesus and Peter had that kind of friendship.  

Second, when Jesus calls Peter “Satan” he’s not talking about the red guy with horns and a pitchfork who personifies evil.  That understanding of Satan developed over multiple centuries, long after Jesus’ earthly ministry, and would have been unrecognizable to Jesus or to Peter. Instead, when Jesus uses the word, he’s referring to the Hebrew Bible understanding found in places like the Book of Job, where Satan (or ha’ Satan in Hebrew) is a heavenly prosecuting attorney who tries people’s faithfulness through trials and temptations.  

Calling Peter “Satan” is Jesus’ way of saying both: don’t tempt me away from the path I’m called to walk, AND you don’t really understand who I am after all.

Jesus’ mind was fixed upon the path he’d been called to walk – a path that led through Jerusalem towards a cross.  But Peter’s mind was fixed upon something different.  Though he’d rightly called Jesus the Messiah, he still understood the Messiah as a political or military figure – one anointed to save, triumph, and lead an earthly kingdom. How could Jesus be the Messiah if he was going to be captured, tried, tortured, and killed?  How was that a victory?

Beyond that, Peter’s mind was fixed on his FRIEND.  He couldn’t bear the thought that this man, whom he loved and followed, would suffer in such a way.  How could God allow such a thing?

It’s so very relatable, really. Who among us would casually accept the news that a beloved will suffer and die?  Who among us hasn’t grieved the death of a loved one and asked how God could allow such a thing as cancer or murder, accident or Alzheimer’s?  Who among us wouldn’t scream to the heavens if we knew in advance that a friend would die by violence?

In the year that passed between my father’s brain injury and his death, we swung back and forth between the gravest despair and highest hope. His neurologist said there was no hope, but two months later Dad started talking and knew who we were.  Then our medical insurance system put him in the worst of places, choosing to save money instead of promote healing – and he died after recurring rounds of infection.  During those months, I railed at God, begged God, bargained with God, cursed God. And while God sometimes had a tough word to share in reply, God never cursed or abandoned me.  

The same is true for Peter.  Though Jesus reprimanded him, pointing out that he didn’t understand where God was in the events stretching out before them, he didn’t push Peter away.  He didn’t withdraw his blessing, telling him he could no longer be the Rock of the coming Church.  He didn’t take away the keys, like a parent grounding a teenager.  Instead, he told him the hard truth and kept on walking with him.  

Faith and faithfulness don’t shield us from hardship.  God doesn’t micromanage the universe deciding who gets ALS or who gets hit by a bus. Instead, God chooses to be with us in our joys and our suffering, helping us to heal, grow, grieve, and move forward through the hard realities of a world shaped by natural forces and human will.  We can learn this from the life of Peter and from the stories of our own lives, looking back on the ways that no matter what we might endure and no matter what curses we might scream in response, God never leaves us or lets us go.  For even when hardship and grief keep us from being fixed upon God’s mission in the world, God’s heart remains fixed upon us.  

Thanks be to God, Amen. 

2,800.5 Minutes…

This morning I sat in our sanctuary and watched the last pre-recorded worship video I will make before we return to in-person worship next Sunday.

The sanctuary is nearly ready, with pews roped off and the communion table set for a meal celebrated without our traditional communion trays. Our building gleams with the fruit of so much volunteer labor, spread out over the year. We have our registration system in place so that 50 can attend while others watch the livestream that will replace those pre-recorded videos on our social media pages.

But am I ready?

My mind keeps returning to those pre-recorded worship services:
-57 worship videos representing 55 weeks and two special mid-week services;
-A full year of Sunday mornings, plus another month;
-2800.5 minutes of prayers, preaching, and music;
-46.68 hours of sorrow and hope crafted for and by beloved community.

Creating those videos has been a huge part of my life these last 13 months, and though I am excited to start being with our people in person, I’m also sad to see them go. They served a purpose, holding us together in faith and love when we were scared. And God used them to find people — folks in our wider community who desired a faith community but didn’t know where to start, folks who were staying home due to illness or age long before the pandemic began, people who moved away from Smithville and missed their church.

Were they perfect? Lord, no. Did they meet the needs of every single person in our community of faith? Again, no. But were they faithful? I believe they were. They were a tether, a lifeline, an encouragement reminding us again and again that we are the Church no matter where we are, and that the Table of Grace extends all the way to our kitchen tables, dining room tables, even our bedside tables.

I never wanted to be a televangelist, but I’m so very grateful that technology made it possible to worship with our people for every one of those 2,800.5 minutes.

So, am I ready for what comes next?

No. Not yet.

But I will be. Sunday’s coming.

Concrete Cairns

There is a man who daily inhabits a corner beneath an overpass near the local amusement park. His sign changes frequently (I don’t imagine cardboard is that durable during the rainy season), but day after day he’s always there. At least, he WAS always there.

Yesterday morning on my way to church I pulled up to the stop sign and glanced to the left with a quick nod to recognize his presence. But he wasn’t there. His belongings weren’t there. The corner appeared to be completely empty, as though no one had ever been there at all.

For a moment I wondered if I was confused. I take different routes to work. Perhaps I was mixing up a person and a location. Maybe he inhabited a different shady spot beneath an entirely different overpass somewhere in the metro.

But then something caught my eye. Two somethings, really. Standing like sentinels beside the stop sign were two rock stacks, each a couple of feet tall. Unlike the trendy stacks you see on social media made from smooth stones found along river beds and beaches, these were rough edged. Jagged even. Another glance revealed that they weren’t rocks at all, but chunks of road surface broken loose from a pothole near the curb.

Those simple concrete cairns declared the same three words stone stacks have proclaimed throughout history: I was here.

He really had been there. I hadn’t gotten confused. More importantly, HE had been there. A human being, real and alive and full of worth despite what society says.

I wish I’d paid more attention when he was there. I wish I’d read his signs with care, gotten to know his name, taken the time to give him a drink of water or learn his story. I wish I’d taken more time to focus on the human being than I spent on the rock stacks marking his absence. And whoever he is, I’m thankful for his declaration of existence there on the corner of a world that would rather pretend he does not exist.

May God, lover of the marginalized and forgotten, remember this stacker of stones and enfold him with an endless supply of the loving care we deny him. And may that same God shake us, move us, mobilize us to actively love him (and everyone cast to the side) too.

5 Years

Five years.

Five years ago this morning, Dad took his last breath.

He should be here. He should know the weight of his granddaughter, the feel of her squirmy toddler body in his arms as he twirls her around the living room. He should occupy the other side of the dual recliner in the home we now call “Grandma’s House.” He should be here to celebrate new jobs, new homes, new adventures as his daughters and sons-in-law grow (and grow into) our careers and adult lives.

Damnit, he should be here.

Much of the time the pace of life, parenthood, and vocation keep me busy enough that I can set aside the hurt of it, the lingering rage of it…the way his miraculous recovery and life were stolen from us by systems that focus more on efficiency and cost-saving measures than the health and wholeness of the people in the beds. Much of the time I can compartmentalize, outrun, avoid, outmaneuver the grief.

But not on October 16th. Especially not when the last three October 16ths have been filled with funerals of their own — services of remembrance for three powerhouse women in the community that is Smithville First Christian Church. Without fail, after presiding over the memorials and burials of these church saints — after making space for their loved ones’ tears — I retreat to my office and it all falls apart.

The flimsy compartment walls fail. My shoelaces break and my heart becomes sluggish. No more outrunning it. All the grief and pain and rage of another year demands acknowledgement, and all I can do is feel it — this weight of three, then four, and now five years.

Five years without Dad.

Five years.

Searching for Rachel

On Saturday morning, while boarding a cruise ship with my mother, the world received word that Rachel Held Evans died.

I never had the pleasure of knowing her in real life but, as a friend said, she was one of our friends. It’s a paradox that is sometimes created in the written world(s) of publishing, church, and social media — that a public figure, though technically a stranger, feels like a friend. We tweeted in the same circles. Our writer relationships overlapped. And, perhaps most significantly, we fought for each other — her fighting for inclusion and acceptance of women in religious leadership (as well as a much wider inclusion that made room for all sorts of people pushed out of church by evangelicalism), and us fighting to amplify her voice by sharing her work with our congregations when her books didn’t make it to the shelves of christian bookstores.

Friends fight for each other. So stranger or not, we were friends. And since the first texts hit my phone to share the terrible news, I’ve felt bereft. Surrounded by the nonstop uproarious faux joy of this cruise, I find myself retreating to quiet corners of the ship where there is enough stillness to grieve her.

This morning I reported to the onboard spa for a salt scrub that had been scheduled months ago. In the midst of that frivolous experience, I caught a glimpse of the tomb. With a strip of gauzy fabric pulled snug across my eyes, the kind technician tended to my body, anointing it for life in much the same way I imagine the women anointed Jesus’ body for burial. Scents, salves, a simple white sheet — with the application of each my mind wandered further into the tomb, searching for her.

Somewhere in the midst of that anointing, I heard her — or at least a whisper of what sounded like her writing voice. With the same encouragement she lavished on others in life, she exhorted us writers and preachers to step into the breach caused by untimely, unfair death, and to simply WRITE. Write for the sisters who continue to come after us as well as those who went before us. Write for our daughters and our sons. Write for the Kin-dom of God. Write because life depends upon the courage of everyday women and men of valor who partner with God both imperfectly and bravely.

I can’t presume to translate this paradoxical friendship into showing up for the real and primary grief of her husband, children, and in-person friends. But I can honor her work, her passion, her voice, her fierce faithfulness by using my own tiny platform to keep on writing and preaching and welcoming — and so can you. Let that be the gift we give in thanks to God for her life and work.

Rest in power and rise in glory, dear Rachel. In life, in death, and in new life with Christ, you are and ever will be a woman of valor.

Lenten Pastoral Prayer (4/2/17)

(based on Psalm 84)

 

Holy One,

Our spirits long for You,

long to see and rest in Your dwelling place.

Our hearts and bodies cry out

in joyous song as we consider the wonder of who You are.

 

Your graciousness and loving care

extend to even the smallest of creatures and creations:

the sparrows of the air

the flowers of the field…

And we marvel that Your love

also extends to each of us –

knowing us so intimately

that You know every hair on our head,

counting them beloved.

 

The Psalmist proclaims that

a single day in Your courts, in Your dwelling place,

is better than a thousand days elsewhere –

that he would rather be a doorkeeper in Your house

than live and thrive in worldly wickedness.

 

We read these words, and sing these words,

proclaiming our desire to serve You,

yet fancy ourselves masters of our own destiny,

responding to Your hand of guidance with

the three-year-old’s refrain:

“No! I do it.”

 

Help us, O God.

Help humility sprout up

in the cracks of our lives

like dandelions in the sidewalk.

Help us to trust in You

to the point of full reliance,

that we might lean on You

look to You

serve You

long for You

 

As that humility grows in us,

help us to hear Your call

and shape our service within the mold

of the prophets and the Gospels –

that we might care for the sick

the poor

the widow

the orphan

the stranger

the prisoner

and the oppressed

with such fierce compassion and tender justice

that those who witness our work

cannot help but wonder:

“Who is this marvelous God that they serve?”

 

This we pray in the name of Your son Jesus,

who shows us the Way

today, tomorrow, and forevermore.

 

Amen.

Nicaragua Friendship Mission, Day 7 and Traveling Home (Day 8)

Yesterday we said goodbye to Chacraseca. It was exciting to head out on our day of sightseeing and cultural experiences, but also a little sad. The Casa de Paz was a good home for us this week, and the people of Chacraseca are wonderful. We’re grateful to say that some have become our friends.

From Chacraseca, we travelled south past Managua to Vulcán Masaya (the Masaya Volcano). The visitor center was informative, but nothing could prepare us for the drive to the top where we could look into the volcano’s crater. Visitors are only allowed at the top for 5 minutes because the gas that escapes the volcano will make you sick if you stay longer. Even with only 5 minutes to look around, we were blown away. When the wind hit the smoky gasses just right, we could even see the glow of lava at the bottom of the crater!

From Vulcán Masaya, we drove to the town of Masaya. This is an area filled with all sorts of artists and craftspeople, and is particularly known for indigenous culture and gorgeous pottery. We went to visit the Lopez Family, who have been making pottery in the traditional way for generations. Just Hope partnered with the family to help them build their own kiln — prior to that, they had to rent space in others’ kilns, and made very little profit to help their family. Now, they are expanding and doing well.

At the Lopez home, we ate a delicious lunch. Then we watched a demonstration of how their pottery is made, and got to try our hand at working the wheel and etching designs into glazed pieces. When the demonstration ended, we went to their shop and browsed their gorgeous work. Each family member designs pieces differently, so the selection was as wide as it was beautiful. 

From the Lopez shop, we went up to the top of the hill where we could view the huge lagoon that separates Masaya from Granada. It was windy and cool, and we enjoyed beverages and ice cream from our perch before heading back down towards Managua. At the end of the day, we settled into the Best Western across the road from the airport, ate a lovely poolside dinner, and enjoyed air conditioning for the first time in a week. Bedtime came early because we had to start waking up around 3 am to be ready for the airport.

Today we’ve made it to San Salvador, El Salvador, which means 1/3 of our trip home is complete. The flight to Houston doesn’t leave until 1:20, so we’re here for a while. Plenty of time is available to eat breakfast/lunch, walk a bit before a longer flight, and reflect on the experience we’ve had.

Before we left, one of our hopes was that we would be changed by our experience in Nicaragua. If that was our goal, then we haven’t been disappointed. It’s hard to be among these people without being changed by their stories, their situations, their hopes, and their radical hospitality. In the weeks and months to come, we’ll work to bring these experiences into our wider church and our daily lives. We hope you’ll join us in worship on Sunday, February 19th when we share stories, photos, and tastes from our trip!

Nicaragua is in our hearts, and to our new friends we say “hasta luego”!






Nicaragua Friendship Mission, Day 6

Today was our last full day in Chacraseca. The first half of the day was very full. After breakfast, we first visited Ileana. She shared her story with us — that several years ago she lost her young son, who had been born with a variety of health issues. After his death, she experienced extreme depression. With the encouragement of a friend, she began making jewelry to sell to groups that come through Chacraseca. This creative work helped to pull her out of depression and begin living again.

Ileana’s dream was to have a house of her own. As she earned money with her jewelry, she began saving and purchasing supplies as she could. Over the course of the years, she has built and decorated one of the loveliest homes in Chacraseca. Her hard work, creativity, and strength are truly inspiring.

When we finished visiting with Ileana, we began the long trek to Miramar — the farthest sector of Chacraseca. It takes an hour on very rough roads to reach Miramar from our home base of Casa de Paz. When we arrived, we met Doña Fatima, who is the head of the women’s microcredit bank in her sector. She introduced us to two women who have received micro loans from this program. They have used the money to purchase cattle, and either make money by selling the milk to a distributor from Lèon, or use the milk to make a variety of foods for their families.

The women who have benefitted from micro credit are deeply grateful for the opportunity. These small loans of $200-$300 dollars help them to begin achieving  more for their families, while also building self-confidence. It was a joy to share in their hopes, joys, and dreams, and also humbling to share in their struggles and sorrows (one woman’s son died only 10 days ago, so her grief was very fresh). 

This afternoon we had down time to clean up (Miramar isVERY dusty), rest, and begin packing. Then, before dinner, we met with Juan for some final debriefing and discussion about our time here. This included brainstorming ways to share this experience with people at home. After dinner, Juan Pablo (our fearless and faithful driver) shared some songs with us, including a song he has written for visiting groups from Just Hope. We gifted Juan and Juan Pablo (as well as our other translators) with FCC Smithville Christmas ornaments as a way of saying thank you for everything they have done for us this week. 

It is hard to say goodbye to people you’ve come to think of as friends. Thankfully, we aren’t saying goodbye — we’re saying see you later to partners and friends in the struggle for justice and hope.







Nicaragua Friendship Mission, Day 5

How is this week flying by so quickly?!

Today, we began with breakfast and then a lesson in making tortillas on a wood-burning eco stove. It’s a good thing we did an ok job, as the tortillas we made were part of our lunch later in the day!

After tortilla-making, we met the women of Cosiendo Esperanza (Stitching Hope). These talented and business-savvy women dye their own fabrics and then use them to create beautiful clothing, bags, stoles, and more. They also sew high quality school uniforms and sell them at reduced prices throughout the sectors of Chacraseca so that parents are better able to afford their kids’ school expenses. 

This week, the women of Cosiendo Esperanza are under a deadline on the uniforms because school begins on Monday. In order to help them, our job was to dye t-shirts in bright colors so that they can use them for screen printing and then sell them. They taught us the dyeing technique and then let us at it — this saved them half a day of work, and we had a great time. We also purchased some of their gorgeous inventory, and some of our own quilters spent time discussing techniques and equipment with them via the excellent translation of our friends Francis and Juan.

After lunch, we went into Leon to meet with Kara, who is Program Director for Just Hope. She taught us about the history, purpose, and projects of Just Hope, and she helped us to process some of what we’ve learned this week. She also helped us to begin thinking of ways we can continue to build this partnership after we return home to Missouri. When it was time for her to go to a meeting, we got in the van and headed to the ocean for some time at the beach.

It was wonderful to walk along the beach and wade in the waters of the Pacific Ocean. We wandered, collected shells, and took lots of pictures. Then we ate a magnificent (and VERY reasonably priced) dinner of fish, shrimp, and lobster at the seaside restaurant. On the way back to Chacraseca, Juan Pablo stopped the van so we could look at the stars — without the light pollution of the city, it was quite a sight!

Now we’re winding down and getting ready for bed. It’s been a great day, and we’re excited to see what tomorrow will bring. ¡Hasta mañana!



Nicaragua Friendship Mission, Day 4

It was another full day here in Chacraseca. We began by walking over to the local Catholic Church in Chacraseca for a quick look prior to our appointment with the head doctor at the health clinic. Then, when she was done with staff meeting, we had our tour. It is mind-blowing how much the medical staff is able to accomplish with greatly limited space and resources. Each day the line of patients starts forming as early as 4:30 am, and each day the team does everything they can to improve the health of the community. They are amazing. 

After our clinic visit, we travelled out into the sectors for a very important appointment. We arrived at the home of one of the Nicaraguan half of our 20 Women of Hope group (the group of Smithville and Chacraseca women who provide a scholarship and other support to a college student. First, we met with our original student. Then we met with our new student, and learned all about her hopes and dreams to become a nurse.

After these meetings, we spent time doing a cooking exchange with the other 20. Women of hope. The Nica women watched as we cooked, and the uS women awkwardly made our way through the wood stove kitchen…

After meeting with our 20 women of hope group, we went back to our home base and met with the president of Chacraseca. He was very passionate about his community, especially regarding education.

After our time closed, we went to Leon. While there, we visited the cathedral, an ice cream shop, and more. It’s been a full and wonderful day, and we’re headed to bed feeling grateful.
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